My EMBA Journey

Book Review - Getting Past No (William Ury)

Starting to Getting Past No

I started reading this book “Getting Past No” as part of my Conflict & Negotiation course assignment. William Ury is the author of this book who has previously co-authored the book on “Getting to Yes” with Roger Fisher. Before I started reading this book, I wanted to get an overview of this book; I turned to the back-cover followed by the author’s note. The back-cover of this book asks questions on how to get past no and presents strategies on getting to yes.  Author’s note makes a start by explaining the seeds behind the book concept. Author has tried to answer two important questions in this book, how can one turn confrontation in to cooperation? And how can one transform conflicts to be fought in to problems to be solved?

 

Interestingly author goes on to explain how cooperation is important in family, business and global environment. He stresses on the fact that court cases and war is not the answer to conflict resolution. Courts and war are highly expensive solutions and doesn’t necessarily provide a solution to acute conflicts. This book has been classified in to 3 sections. First section “Getting ready” focuses on how to be prepared before going to negotiate. Second section “Using the Breakthrough Strategy” explains 5 key strategies that can be employed to achieve a mutually acceptable/negotiated solution to a conflict.
Final chapter “Turning Adversaries into Partners” looks at how to turn adversaries in to partners.

 

Breaking Through Barriers to Cooperation

William starts with an Italian diplomat’s quote “Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way”. How true it is, in our day to day life we constantly negotiate to reach a mutually agreed solution. There are times when we have an upper hand and other time we don’t. Author explains negotiations as a process of back and forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with others when some of your interests are shared and some are opposed. William identifies the following 5 behaviors as the barriers to cooperation.

• Your Reaction
• Their Emotion
• Their Position
• Their Dissatisfaction
• Their Power

 

Joint Problem Solving

This is a process in which you move away from the position and focus more on the interests. This way negotiation process moves from opposite to side by side. When the person shifts to the other side they see the interests of each side. Thus if a person negotiates with a manager for a promotion focuses more on the interests (Tuition fee, 401k, health care plan, etc,) instead of the position he might want. Joint problem solving helps the negotiations process by reducing the time and energy spent on posturing. Also it improves the work relationship by mutually benefiting each party.

 

 

Breakthrough Negotiation

William Ury provides the following five step strategy to counter the barriers to cooperation.

 

Barriers to Cooperation	Breakthrough Negotiation
Your Reaction	Go to the balcony
Their Emotion	Step to their Side
Their Position	Reframe
Their Dissatisfaction	Build them a golden bridge
Their Power	Use power to educate

                       

William Ury gives an analogy of sailing to explain the principles of breakthrough negotiation. I have some experience in sailing a J24 in which primary strategy to reach the goal was to take a zigzag position. This is important in sailing as traveling straight to destination would be doomed failure. Following the flow of the wind and ensuring that strong winds, tides, reefs, shoals, storms and squalls are handled in the process. Similarly breakthrough negotiation has different stages and each stage needs to be handled with a unique approach. Ury explains the importance of breakthrough negotiator as “Your single greatest opportunity is to change the game. Instead of playing their way let them have your way”. Breakthrough negotiators treat their opponents as the negotiating partners who are presenting an opportunity to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement.

 

Preparation – Key to Success

This books talks in detail on why preparation is mandatory for an effective negotiation. It charts out a plan for a negotiator to reach a mutually agreeable conclusion. Identify interests for both the parties, what are options involved for those interests. Create a set of standards to resolve the differences fairly, alternatives to negotiation and proposals for agreement.

 

Go to the balcony

Human beings are reaction machines. When a human being is confronted most natural tendency is to react without thinking. We react by striking back, giving in or breaking off. Dangers of reacting without thinking to a situation are we start to loose sight of our interests. By reacting we become the part of the problem. Ury says we get in to a vicious cycle of action and reaction, but the power to break this cycle is with us. Mind can be controlled; it doesn’t have to follow the Newton’s law of reacting to every action. During the negotiation process at any time if one experiences difficulty they should step back, collect their wits and see the situation objectively. This process of viewing an issue from outside is depicted as going to the balcony. It metaphorically means the mental attitude of detachment.

 

Step to their Side

Going to the balcony has helped a negotiator to regain a mental balance; next step is to help the other side regain theirs. Important challenge here is how one can create a favorable climate in which one can negotiate. Outcome of this exercise is to ensure that one is treated as a human being. Control the emotional aspects and make sure that the other side understands your view point even though they may not like it.

Key secret to disarm is surprise, when they are expecting to attack step to their side, acknowledge their issues and feelings, hear them out, paraphrase and ask for corrections. Acknowledge the person, by doing so you are creating what psychologists call “cognitive dissonance” and inconsistency between perception and reality.

 

Reframe

Author names this chapter as “To Change the Game Change the Frame”. To change the negotiation game, try changing the frame. Do the opposite of what you may feel tempted to do. Treat your opponent as a partner. Try reframing the opponents view; it is a golden opportunity to understand the problems of the opponent.

 

Build them a Golden Bridge

This is the phase when a negotiator is ready to sign the agreement. A negotiator has ensured that he/she suspended the reactions, defused other side’s emotions and reframed their position. Still there could be issues; final barrier could be other side’s dissatisfaction. Building a golden bridge doesn’t necessarily mean creating a great proposal but it also involves the other side’s involvement and participation in the agreement. Second it means that we need to move from the obvious interests i.e. money and move towards the intangible needs such as recognition, relationship, etc, also it means that the opposite side feels they have achieved a victory.

 

Use Power to Educate

Exercising power is an integral part of problem-solving negotiation. Use the power to bring the other side to the table. Instead of seeking victory, aim for mutual satisfaction. Use power to bring them to their senses and not to their knees.

 

Conclusion: Turning Adversaries in to Partners

Authors conclude by saying “Breakthrough negotiation is hard work. Successful negotiators are patient and persistent. Progress comes gradually. Small breakthroughs can add up to a major breakthrough. In the end even negotiations that once seemed impossible can often yield a mutually satisfactory agreement.